Wasted Faith--or Was It?!?

This topic-this subject-in our OBS of the book Greater by Steven Furtick-was a difficult one for me. For any who have read the 'Our Story' blog posts here on this blog, you will understand where I am going here. Could I be the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings? Yes--our similarities are striking. Including her son crying "My head! My head!". The first observable seizure my son had, these were his words, "Ow! Mom! My head" and out he went, almost to the point of being intubated because he wouldn't breathe. My life changed forever that day.

All of my life I grew up watching mighty miracles from God in both my family and my church. I had SEEN His provision, His healing, and His protection. Heck, I was the recipient of those blessings many times, but unfortunately, had my own agenda and didn't take the time to notice it.

Prior to this event with my son, about 5 months to be exact--a postpartum illness and sick newborn--drove me straight into the arms of Jesus. I was never so serious or so dedicated in my WHOLE life, to live for Him.  I wanted to live for Him (not felt threatened too as many in our church made us feel). Regardless of the cost. I often prayed for Him to make me a disciple. To teach me. Well, it has been a tough road but can I say I am thankful? YES. Am I still learning? DAILY--I make a lot of mistakes. I am one of those students most professors dread. ;)

My son's seizures went from bad to worse the more medicine they poured into his little 11 year old body. I was still struggling with health issues. I had a 6 month old baby to take care of (I had lost her twin when I was between 9-11 weeks pregnant)--I also had a 2 year old and a 9 year old. He just kept seizing. This kid would seize over 50 times in a day. The medicine was making him an emotional zombie--he would either be crying, angry or drugged out. We had taken him to the church to be prayed for, he was anointed with praying oil by the church, my grandma, and my family. One day, things came to a head and he went into a massive seizure that almost killed him--he was in the hospital at the time. But GOD was right there. Bryce came up out of the bed praising Him!! THEN....here is where the Greater study struck me. On pg. 98 of Greater, Pastor Furtick says, " And instead of being given beauty for ashes, they are given ashes for ashes."

Bryce's condition got worse. We were facing 2 brain surgeries. The EEG showed continual seizure activity, even though we didn't always SEE them. 24/7 seizures for a month. BUT THEN GOD....Bryce started to get better. The 'lesion' on his brain causing the repeated seizures 'disappeared' about 1 WEEK before surgery #1, but I thought I had lost the sweet, caring, helpful, beautiful child I once had. . Instead, he was moody, angry, rebellious, sneaky and getting into a lot of trouble. I prayed for not only restoration of my son, but one who was better than before. For God to restore, as He did for Job and to restore what the locusts had taken (Joel 2:25).

Shortly after this, by about 3 months, my other son, Logan, developed extremely high blood sugar. The tests were working him up for Insulin Dependent Diabetes. His tests were touchy, and he was rushed to a specialist. Mamaw grabbed the praying oil and we prayed for him. BUT THEN GOD.......completely healed him! His next round of tests (and those since) have come back normal. He is such a sweet blessing to me.

So, now, sitting here 3 years later can I say that faith was wasted? I was so AFRAID at the time, and crying out to God, "Why? After I gave my life back to you, why?". And do you know, in all of His MERCY, He answered me. I 'wrote' Him a 4 page letter, and do you know that I now know the answers to those questions? Do you know that I now 'know' Him, and not 'know of' Him? I love Him with all of my heart.

Wasted faith? NO WAY!! My boy Bryce? The one with all the issues? HE is twice the kid he ever was. HE counsels me. He is more caring and compassionate than he ever was. AND!! He just informed me that He feels called to ministry! This child, who the doctors said would have MASSIVE brain damage and virtually be a vegetable when the seizures were over........scored NEAR genius level on an IQ test DURING his 24/7 seizures. They didn't even let him finish the test, so we don't know his 'full IQ'.  He is now 15, taller than his mama and about 175 lbs! He lives a happy life! (He was a runt lol) He is hopeful, as are we, to God for full healing, but he accepts these 'trials' as he calls them. He said he had learned, as Paul said, to be content in all things. His favorite to quote? James 1:2-4. The Lord uses my son to teach me about faith almost daily.

And again, WASTED FAITH?!? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Could I say that then? No, it did 'feel' wasted. But you know what? FEELINGS ARE FICKLE. We serve an unchanging, compassionate, merciful, and loving God.