Having a Hannah Moment

In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord.

1 Samuel 1:10 (NIV 84)

Chapter 5 of Stressed-Less Living, a study we are currently working on at our online Bible study, has impacted me far more than I realized. No, it isn't because I didn't think I 'needed' this study-my life is full of stress-but rather because I was un-open to fully allowing the Lord to speak to me during this study. My heart was divided. My soul was restless. I had way too much on my 'to do' list-a self created nightmare of what I wanted to do, not what the Lord wanted to do.

Today, I broke. I wept and prayed bitterly before the Lord. Not bitter at Him, but bitter at myself. Bitter for trying to run the show. Bitter for trying to go ahead of Him and heal in 'my own way'. Tears washed down my face as I realized that I was prostrate before a Holy God who only has my best interest at heart. Who has told me what He requires of me. Who has told me that I need to rest. Who has allowed multiple circumstances to sweep over me at an almost overwhelming pace. Who, when I prayed, "Lord, I need to hear from you!", sent my children surrounding my bed with words of comfort. "God is with you mama." "Look at what is beside you"-my prayer journal with a picture of Jesus on the cover. They had no idea what my prayer was at that point, but God sent His love in the form of my children. I wept again, "Why, Lord? I don't deserve this grace. Why are you showing me so much grace?"

Today, I related so much to the section titled, "When God Seems Absent." She began weaving the beautiful story of Hannah and bringing so many truths into my life and my current situation. 

• p. 94~"She was tired of feeling ashamed, broken, empty-hearted, and empty-handed."
• p,94-95~ "I bet she tried to stay focused on her blessings rather than being consumed with yearning for the blessings she had yet to receive. I can also imagine how helpless she felt to remedy this problem. All of these things combined most likely ushered her into a deep pit of hopelessness, where peace escaped her."~oh yes. I try to remember my blessings and stop dwelling on the 'not knowns' right now. There are many breathing down our neck at this moment and I don't know what to do. There is nothing I CAN do. I, too, feel helpless.
• p.95~"however, on this particular day, she was so desperate for God's intervention that she dropped to her knees and poured out her entire heart. She held nothing back and laid all of her feelings and emotions at his feet. She was ready to take back her life, lay down her stress, and accept whatever plan God had for her."~YES! That was me today friend. The last few weeks, things have slowly been spiraling out of control in my innermost thoughts and endless need for planning. There is nothing I can do. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like feeling out of control. What am I supposed to learn here?

So, today, I cried out. I cried out for Him to teach me how to rest. I cried out to know His presence. I let Him know my fears, my failures, and my weakness....even though He already knows. 

Exodus 33:14~ The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (NIV 84)

Exodus 33:17~ And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and know you by name."

Lord, let it be so. Teach me your ways.

Jennifer Newsom

OBS Teaching/Executive Team