No matter what I do, it's not good enough. No matter how much progress I've made, it's not enough. Self-defeating thoughts. And on....and on....sound familiar?
I tend to listen to it far too often. From myself. From 'well meaning' friends and family. Either way, I listen far too often.
You see--I'm a mama with many hats. Some would say too many hats. But, for this season of life, this is what He has called me to.
- I homeschool 4 blessings--ages 14, 12, 5 and 3. I love them dearly.
- I am a wife to a man who works hard and works long hours. A man who is my best friend.
- I am a nurse. Although I am currently not working for 'pay', I am working in other ways.
- I am an on-line Bible study group leader for 2 amazing groups of women. Melissa Taylor's OBS, which has been a tremendous blessing in my life (these women are real and have beautiful hearts y'all!) and a group that is mainly made up of local Ky gals who read through and discuss parts of the Bible together. And pray. A lot.
- I am a student. I recently started Liberty University's Wilmington School of the Bible on-line. For enrichment. For what I feel is a new direction for my life.
My mission looks 'different' than many people. My personality is different. My 'calling' is different. So why do I often compare myself to others? Why do I allow myself to not 'feel good enough'?
This is what His word says, and is one of our memory verses for this week:
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load. (NIV 84)
*Each should carry his own.....hmmm.......
My wise 14 year old told me to look this verse up last night:
Colossians 1:10~that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. (NKJV).
*For a really neat application to this verse (that answers many of my questions) check this verse out in the Life Application Study Bible if you have one.
My works, my WALK, is to be pleasing to HIM. Not to myself. Not to someone else's idea of what my walk should be. To be fruitful in EVERY good work. Whatever it is He has called me to do.
Is it easy? No. Did He promise it would be? No. His burden is light, because His yoke is easy--He is yoked to us and will help us. But He did promise to never leave nor forsake me. As we learned in another memory verse for this study:
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (NKJV)
In my 35 years on this earth, I have been through a lot. Not as much as some people, but enough to know that it has to serve some purpose. That the trials were not in vain. To bring God glory through my life as has often been my prayer.